Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
