addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
