I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
