I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
