I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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