Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
