We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
