You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
