I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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