Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
