I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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