It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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