I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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