If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
