Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
