you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
