When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
