Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
