Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
