Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
