Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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