Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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