So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
