ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
