i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your penis caused this!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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