I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
