South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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