***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
