She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
