I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
