I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
