All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
