He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
