Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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