Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
