I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
