I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
