I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
