Pants 0. Shit 1.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
