remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
