I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
