dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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