Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
