I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
