I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
