Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
