So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
