I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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