watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
