i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize