The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
