ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
