I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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