So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
