ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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