6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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