half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
