These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
