A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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