Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
