I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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