i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
