never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
