glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
