just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
