Everything about him screamed your future.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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