I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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