i just had sex bonerless
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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