Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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