Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
