I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
