i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
