My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
